Tuesday, August 15, 2006
I sometimes wonder whether I really have friends. Its just so strange and pathetic when it seems like you’re the only who seems to really bother. Every time i keep encouraging myself by saying its gonna be worth it, but occasionally I get stabbed with the knife of reality – which jerks me up from what is apparently so rosy. Perhaps I should just simply revert to my old apathetic ways of dealing with people. Learn from good ole silas marner, and turn my heart inwards.Also, true friendships aren’t reliant on constant dosages of perpetual updates about their lives, constant smses, attention, material gifts – if it is that is just 1) a superficial relationship, 2) plain childish really. Yes, im not denying the importance of what we call the healthy regular contact points that often leaves that subtle linger of fuzziness in our hearts. But I should never be that frivolous to be measure by all that is tangible. Besides I abhor constant probing of detailed snippets of my life. The need to control is an obvious manifestation of one’s insecurities really.
On a more positive note, im truly thankful for those whom in spite of everything accepted the way I am, and made me a better person. Who gave me space but yet knew the exact time to intercede when I needed it. Who despite my whims and strange antics, loved and cared for me. Who quietly supported me from the sidelines without being ostentatious about it. Thank you all, from the bottom of my heart and love you (:
I really hope this is just a lousy case of PMS, so at least when I wake up tomorrow morning, it’ll be a better day.
And to you, im really sorry. I hope I still have time to make up for it.
All I know
Is everything is not as it's sold
but the more I grow the less I know
And I have lived so many lives
Though I'm not old
And the more I see, the less I grow
The fewer the seeds the more I sow
Nelly Furtado – Try