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Mademoiselle
i am siyu. siyu is me. strange as it, im still looking for myself and the journey's a pretty intriguing one.

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Thursday, August 31, 2006
im so fucking pissed off.

disclaimer: this is not a personal attack towards anyone but i just needed an avenue to rant. however, it is resonant of what is in my subconsious thoughts. pardon the excessive use of explextives.

sometimes a parent can be so FUCKING UNFAIR.

why does the eldest bear so much responsibilities? why are we always expected to give in? why is attention to the eldest the bare minimum? why do u always fucking compare me with ur friend's prim and proper daughter? why do i always get the blame of passing on bad traits (at least in your eyes) to my younger siblings? why do i always get the most shit, least care? why
cant you just let go of your biased judgement of me once in a while? why do you NEVER see that i try so hard to mend broken communications, and change ur opinion of me?
WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY ?

im so fucking jealous, and im not supposed to show it.

and so, all i demand for you to feed me with material needs (which is the most superficial and basic) and u fuck me upside down for being overtly materialistic.

lastly, i hit my shoulder blade against the metal handle in the batheroom when i nearly slipped.

what a fucked up week/person/day/country. fuck it. whatever.

i am VERY dissatisfied (that is such an understate man MAJOR) with the organizing committee of S2006 and NBS.

ARGRRRRRRRHHH.

on a happier note, i am attempting to rectify my wrath by looking forward to major shopping, dining, drinking and other forms of merry making after IMFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF. grr.

and im prolly going hk during my recess break! [finally a break from all my responsibilities in singapore]

i like swedish chinese. HEH HEH *waves at paul and hollers - "you know what to do....!!"*

i am in the midst of sieving out many many many many pictures of victoria secrets models, lingerie, and other kinky whatnots. for project AHEM.

Monday, August 28, 2006
i know this is a lil belated... burt BIG THANKS TO WANQIU, BRYAN, LILY for celebrating my birthday with me on the 22nd!



wanqiu coerced me to take this photo at the walkway to esplanade. its DAMN sick. looks like pubic hair to me. pffFF!

im growing on u by yeo wee hwee. its SO SICK, i had goosebumps when i saw that EWW. its pretty creative. BURT STILL?!?!?! im so freaked.


wanqiu me bryan (and lily the missing fella)

on a random note, i WANT WHITE LOAFERS!!!!! diana got hers at such a steal la! enzo A. at 55bucks wahhahahaha. what a bargain!


absolute randomness -

monochrome coloured toenails

my longest school skirt EVER. haha. (sijing's school skirt before alteration)

lusting major for the dior saddle bag. this is my fav design - eee so ching chong!! i like. i bet diana agrees HEH HEH.


the past week:

i made new friends during IMF training.

i have a new burmese friend(her name is so cool!), a new vietnamese friend, and many many singaporean friends. haha

i shook hands with the winner of cleo bachelor 2006! heh heh. wahahhahaha *sizzle sizzle*

im posted to furama hotel from 13th sept till 20th. (WHAT?!?!)

ive been so busy, im seriously deprived of me-time.

ive drank sake! credits to diana who treated me to sushi tei ((:

i went for a makeover with diana at ettusais for free! HEH HEH bite me, im cheapo.

i miss vancouver. i miss everyone. i miss everything.

ive spend so much, its such a freaky compulsion.

happy birthday to me.

momo had an operation.

so many projects!

lastly, listening to john legend - save room:

Say that you stay a little
Don't say bye bye tonight
Say you'll be mine
just a little of bit of love
Is worth a moment of your time

knocking on your door just a little
so cold outside tonight
let's get the fire burning
I know, I keep it burining right
If you stay, won't you stay - stay

save room for my love
save room for a moment to be with me
save room for my love save a little save a little for me
won't you save a little
save a little for me - ohh

This just might hurt a little
love hurts sometimes when you do it right
Don't be afraid of a little bit of pain
pleasure is just on the other side

Let down your guard just a little
I'll keep you safe in these arms of mine
Hold on to me - pretty baby
You will see I can be all you need
If you stay, won't you stay - stay

Wednesday, August 23, 2006
this is quite the eventful birthday man.

major panic attack yesterday. i almost died of stress. hope ma is okay after her op. *praypray*

anywaes, happy birthday to me! hello siyu, uve came of age, its high time you shed ur chilishness. HURHUR

Saturday, August 19, 2006
im happy beyond words.

1) my dad drove all the way to swensens at funan just to get me a cake althought i insisted that its okay since im so old already and birthdays are no big deals. besides, he wont be around next wednesday to celebrate so... BURT he got me a cake! so sweet.... ((: my father is the best daddy ever YAY!

2) my maid got me a prettzie that must have cost her a bomb which could feed her for a like a month of decadence in indonesia, my gawd. i feel so guilty but at the same time so darn touched. *major sniffles* ok ill upload the picture of the cake and the cup my maid got me when im less overwhelmed by the nice fuzzy feeling.... in the meantime lemme bask in it (((((((((:

love.

sometimes..

sometimes it only takes a lil bit of empathy. to walk around in that person’s skin. to seek out the whys in his/her actions that irks you so much.

However, all we are often clouded by our impartial judgements, usually formed by past encounters that was not necessarily pleasant. Armed with that confirmation biasness etched in our minds, we seek out to only interpret the worst of what the other party says or does.

I sometimes blame myself for giving in, being the apparent eldest, because I always told myself that the occasional spoon feeding is alright because of our age disparity. I am afterall older, despite speckles of intermittent childish deeds. Of course this is not to deny many of my faults – selfishness, stubbornness, gargantuan materialistic diet, certain pet phrases that causes you to turn peevish. please, it is not that I am unaware. But i have yet to come to terms with it, and am still trying to deal and change them for the better. I really am, but certain old habits die hard. But, so should you – you are just as resistant to constructive advise especially when it is the exact same thing you fault me for, ironically. And it just hurts so bad, when you just turn your back against me and choose to subconsciously fault me for things that you misunderstood me to have done or said. It just hurts to bad.

Please do considered the various things you leave around that I clear for you, in fear that it may be a hazard to someone else or even yourself. the many fun times we had poking fun at stranger’s antics. Our exciting shopping trips. night bolster, towel fights. the occasional subtle deep serious talks that always ends with a lame joke. I don’t think our relationship is so frail that a simple effort of walking in each other’s shoes is so difficult. Its just a basic matter of choice.

And I urge you to put our petty arguments and childishness aside to make things work. i am willing, im just waiting for your reply.

Misunderstood

and dismal.

Friday, August 18, 2006
my latest loot! (with loads of love from diana):


its all FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! and its so pretty. SMOOCHIES TO DIANA - my hottie of the month. haha oops --x--

my new elizabeth arden hand cream! YAY (:


the box says:

The perfect companion to our original classic. This fast absorbing gel cream for the hands moisturizes for up to eight hours. Soothing emollients smooth and soften rough, weather-exposed skin. Signs of dryness and cracking are reversed so hands look and feel soft and touchable. No greasy residue.

To use - apply as liberally as possible. (wahlau eh MONEY MONEY)

YAY! i hope it works like magic on my hands that resembles a wizened ole dame's. *jumps around happily*


Tuesday, August 15, 2006


urm.. proof of wanqiu's shitty photo taking skills despite the fantastic cam. HURHUR

go ahead, laugh. :X















ze bad trio who make life so wonderful yay! (:

siyu is angsty. due to:

1) irregular periods
2) dreary atmosphere in school
3) missing company and school in ubc
4) too much ingestion of junk food
5) withdrawal symptoms of coffee
6) has cramps major
7) feeling ugly
8) needs loads of love
9) devoid of sex HAHAHA

so, if anyone of you knows of a panacea that would rid me of all of the above like TADA, please drop me a tag, ill hook up with u asap HAHA. if not, kindly donate some hugs, kisses or love to save-the-dying-siyu-fund. -x-

I sometimes wonder whether I really have friends. Its just so strange and pathetic when it seems like you’re the only who seems to really bother. Every time i keep encouraging myself by saying its gonna be worth it, but occasionally I get stabbed with the knife of reality – which jerks me up from what is apparently so rosy. Perhaps I should just simply revert to my old apathetic ways of dealing with people. Learn from good ole silas marner, and turn my heart inwards.

Also, true friendships aren’t reliant on constant dosages of perpetual updates about their lives, constant smses, attention, material gifts – if it is that is just 1) a superficial relationship, 2) plain childish really. Yes, im not denying the importance of what we call the healthy regular contact points that often leaves that subtle linger of fuzziness in our hearts. But I should never be that frivolous to be measure by all that is tangible. Besides I abhor constant probing of detailed snippets of my life. The need to control is an obvious manifestation of one’s insecurities really.

On a more positive note, im truly thankful for those whom in spite of everything accepted the way I am, and made me a better person. Who gave me space but yet knew the exact time to intercede when I needed it. Who despite my whims and strange antics, loved and cared for me. Who quietly supported me from the sidelines without being ostentatious about it. Thank you all, from the bottom of my heart and love you (:

I really hope this is just a lousy case of PMS, so at least when I wake up tomorrow morning, it’ll be a better day.

And to you, im really sorry. I hope I still have time to make up for it.

All I know
Is everything is not as it's sold
but the more I grow the less I know
And I have lived so many lives
Though I'm not old
And the more I see, the less I grow
The fewer the seeds the more I sow

Nelly Furtado – Try

Sunday, August 13, 2006
more riddles from sijing my very very lame sister who survives being a garang guni for jokes a such:

1) what do you get when you put a bomb in a bra?

tit-bits. HAHAHAHA (i like this)

2) what do you get when you put a bomb in a guy's briefs/boxers?

banana split!! (wahlau eh this is freaking hilarious la)

Thursday, August 10, 2006
lame pick-up lines from sijing that cracked me up!

a. people call me chiobu but you can call my number

b. do you have a plaster/why/coz i fell so hard for you

c. are you a broom/why/coz you swept me off my feet

HAAAAAAAAAAAA sijing if you can pick up any hot guys with these pick-up lines ill be your slave for a year!

29th July '06

Its been a long time since ive felt something tugging at my heartstrings so bad. I came to Vancouver as a stranger, impersonal , and foreign yet, I leave the place feeling that somehow I belong. And it just hurts to leave. It will always have a special place in my heart, the 26 of us on the exchange programme, you’ll always be very special to me in some sense or another. A whole avalanche of emotions besieging me. I truly thank every single one of you 26 people for leaving such beautiful memories in my heart – doing project, fighting it out over negotiation, fooling around like big idiots, drinking, growing fat, cooking, stealing food (HAHA diana..), gossiping, stinking in the rockies, laughing at lao lang, taking stupid pictures, cake fight, talking about serious stuffs, etc.

And I truly hope that the deep friendships ive formed here would not just end here in Vancouver, albeit part of reality tells me that some friendships would just fade with time and lack of effort. which still triggers the naïve part of me to tear like today at robson.

Itll never the same again.

Thank God for letting you all come into my life and feel love all again.